May 2025 —

Am I in denial?

That’s all I was able to ask Husband before I began to cry. Perhaps it was confusion, or senselessness, or the weight of knowing that we truly were actively avoiding reality, but the emotional pull was strong enough to make me cry. I felt backed in a corner, with a single image illuminated at the forefront my brain: the look on my therapist’s face when I told her, “I think the cancer has returned.”

I’ve seen this therapist since 2018. She’s helped me navigate three rounds of IVF, pregnancy, baby loss, grief, watching my sibling go through septic shock, followed by a ten-day medically-induced coma. She supported me throughout surrogacy, becoming a new mom, and many health hurdles. Throughout it all, she had never given me any indication that I my fear was legit legit or that this was something that we couldn’t work through together…until today. Back again? A third time?